Sex Ed

There’s no question this week, because I’ll be answering a bunch of questions that have been coming up again and again in your emails. Yes — you email me and I do my absolute best to respond personally with specific, verified health information in a (somewhat) timely manner. And in these personal emails, I’ve noticed some trends — specifically, lots of you are worried about your vaginas being “not normal.” I’m here to tell you right now that the following worries you’ve had, dear readers, are actually totally normal.

Q: I’m freaking out. My partner of eight years and I just went to get tested together, and he came back positive for HIV and I came out negative. I don’t even know how we could have different statuses because I’m on the pill and we haven’t been using condoms in almost a year, but I’m really relieved I don’t have it. I love him so much, I don’t even care right now that he cheated on me and got this lifelong disease. I don’t want to leave him, but I don’t know how to help him or protect myself. What can I do? Will I definitely get it?

Q: I’ve gotta stop taking the pill because I’m not all that good at remembering to take it, specifically on the weekends when my schedule is different and I’m not always at home. I’m freaked out by all the super long-term options, like the IUD and arm implant, but I still want a method of hormonal birth control because it makes my skin nice and I just trust it more. I’ve heard the patch mentioned sometimes, but I don’t know that much about it. Is the patch as effective as the Pill? How often do you have to put it on, and how long does each patch last? How does the hormone get into your skin?

Q: My friend says that she checks out the private parts of anyone she’s going to sleep with to make sure they don’t have any diseases. Is that something you can do to tell if someone has anything? Does it actually work? And which STDs can you see — all of them, or are some invisible? I’m also nervous about all the STDs you can catch just from skin-to-skin contact, even if you use a condom.

Q: I just found out that I’m four weeks pregnant (a good thing — my sweetie and I have been trying for six months!). Now that the whole “will it ever happen” stage is over, I’m realizing that while I’ve gotten over the stress of how hard it is to get pregnant, I’m a bit freaked about what I’m going to feel like for the next eight months. I mean, I went into an emotional tailspin on the pill, and I’m assuming cooking up a whole baby is going to involve way more intense hormonal changes. What can I expect? Will I turn into a moody monster? What will my body feel like?

Q: I started taking the Pill last month and I’m completely falling apart. One minute I’m totally fine … and the next I’m sobbing. What in the actual f%#k is going on? Is this normal? How can I make it stop? I can’t go to work and everything is terrible. I thought the Pill was supposed to make your mood swings better — but could they actually make them worse?

Q: The other day, my friend was telling me about an STD I’d never even heard of — trichomoniasis. Ah! I have lots of questions about trichomoniasis. Is it only transmitted sexually? Why is it never mentioned with the usual STDs? What are the consequences for vaginal health?

Q: I just saw a new doctor, who said that it’s time for me to start getting routine mammograms because breast cancer runs in my family. I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with that until I was older! I know that it’s a procedure for checking if you have breast cancer, but I’m not really sure how it works. Does the machine smush your breasts to feel lumps? Do mammograms hurt? And how often do I need to do it?

Q: I just realized that I’m in my early 20s but still don’t know how to do breast self-exams. I should probably be doing them, because my grandmother died of it and breast cancer is genetic, right? How do I know if I have a lump or if it’s just my breast being not perfectly smooth? And how often should I check, do I have to do it every day or what? What do I do if I find what I think is a lump? Gah — I have so many questions!

Q: I’ve been sexually active for a couple of years now, but I just started seeing someone steadily for the first time. And that means that it’s harder for me to avoid sex during my period. Before I used to just not go on dates for that week. My boyfriend says he doesn’t care, and I guess I believe him, but it just seems so messy and idk, like it might hurt? Is it dangerous? He also says that we don’t need to use condoms then because I can’t get pregnant when I’m bleeding. Is that true?